30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 1

I decided to partake in a 30-day Writing Challenge that I found on Pinterest from:

http://splitpeasandlavender.blogspot.com/2013/05/a-little-soul-searching.html

Anywho, today’s prompt is:

Discuss your current relationship status: Single. So. Very. Single.

Sometimes, I wish I could say my single life is popping, and I’m, like, just taking my time choosing from an eager queue of suitors, but, alas, that is most definitely not my life. I don’t go out very often, and that’s something that I occasionally lament (sometimes, I just wanna dance!), so my interaction with the outside world is pretty limited. I got to work in the morning, come home in the afternoon, contemplate a nap, settle for a snack and a couple hours on Pinterest, make/have dinner with my roommate while watching Netflix or Hulu, and  then we go to our respective rooms and sleep. Action-packed, I know. On the weekends, I go to church, or grocery shopping; often, I have work or community events on Saturday mornings/afternoons, so by the time the evening comes around, I am wiped. Right now, work is my boyfriend- work and the internet.

For the most part, I’m okay with that, but there are definitely moments, such as when I’m watching a Disney movie, or How I Met Your Mother, or, you know, any movie involving even the slightest hint of romance, that I find myself yearning and pining and, yeah, feeling a little lonely. When that happens, I do one of two things: 1) bake (and consequently eat) a shit-ton of cookies, eat pizza, drink beer, and cry myself to sleep OR 2) put on my best bitch-face and be a bad-ass ‘cause don’t nobody got time for all that mushy stuff. I don’t know that I can confidently say that either of these are constructive; on the one hand, I’m wallowing in self-pity, and on the other, I’m building walls around my heart because none of it seems worth the risk.

Do I want to be in a relationship/married one day? Sometimes, that definitely seems like an adventure I’d want to experience, and other times, it seems like too much work and too much risk, and it’s hard for me to picture that far into the future – and it does usually seem like it’s way in the future. Right now, I’m too busy trying new things, meeting new people, living in new cities, and making plans to travel even more. I’m not settled, and I don’t think I’ll be ready to settle anytime soon; an older woman from my church in Louisville once described me as a honeybee: right now I’m flitting around from one beautiful place to another collecting interesting memories and experiences. Maybe one day, I’ll finally land and I’ll plant something new and it will grow into something I can be proud of. And when that happens, I do hope to have someone by my side to help me nurture it.

For now, I think the best way I can sum up my feelings on being single, is with a quote from one of my favourite books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad, and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”

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